Can I Marry A Man and Grow To Love Him?


#1

I am 23 turning 24 by December, the last relationship I had was 2 years ago and i had to end it cause of some reasons like he didn’t listen, his philosophies were quite different from mine. After the break up, I intended not to go into any relationship instead I would use that period to discover more about myself and God.


Fast forward to 2016, I met this guy that was so all over me and he said he was ready for marriage. He barely knew me but he was like he has taken time to observe me and all; however this wasn’t enough for me. He has been so nice and caring, i mean financially. He just wanted to cater for all my needs even without asking, he has done so much.

The issue is that I’m not attracted to him in anyway; I feel he is way older than me. He is about 38. Many things he does turn me off apart from his kind gestures of course. I have told him I’m not interested in a relationship with him severally but he still finds a way to come back. I met a woman who is quite spiritual and she said she had a vision from God telling me not to miss my husband because of my high standard. These made me try to adjust to be more accommodating but no, still feeling the same way. He feels so in love, introducing me to all his friends as his “woman”. I don’t really feel comfortable about it sha. I feel he is too pressured to get married quick and all that.

What I really need to know is;
Can this affection still come later in life? Does manners and age difference matter in marriage?

Source: SisiYemmie


#2

Attraction is the least talked about in relationships but it matters… It really does matter… Its not about everybody getting attracted to him or having to think he is handsome, its about your own perspective and how you view him. So yeah, think about that too.

Also, don’t test your waters with marriage… Its not a playground that you enter and can just flip back because you think its not cool. Its better not to even enter at all so you might need to do your test running with a relationship first… Try it out and give yourself a timeline. If you’re still not attracted to him, then quit but not marriage. Moreover, you’re still young. Why the rush?

Get to know God for yourself too and let him speak to you… Do not just rely on the opinions of others… Let God convince you too.


#3

Hmmm, I know love Is never enough or should say affection is never enough in a marriage. So you need to consider that factor. Pls pls anybody that say God said we are suppose to marry pls that shit is cony. I don’t think is God. I believe your suppose to search for your better Half.


#4

Word!!!


#5

I don’t understand this…Can you explain ?


#6

Okay, I’m not married yet, but I think I have a say here too, right? Yes, I do.

Truth is, dating someone out of pity is the worst thing you can ever do. Be sure he is attracted to you, before you say, “I do”.

Many things about him turn you off. Have you let him know about your turn offs? What has he done to correct them?

Age difference is not a problem in marriage, so far you love your spouse, it’s fine. Na the age you wan chop? Mbanu! No!

You met a woman who is quite spiritual and she said she had a vision from God telling you not to miss your husband because of your high standards*

Hmmmmm… This is getting really interesting.

  1. What makes you feel you are less spiritual than this woman. I mean, you stated that you decided to be off relationships for at least two years to discover yourself and God more. If God could reveal this to this woman, then there should be a confirmation of that vision in your spirit. You should feel it somewhere somehow.

I’m not in support of you accepting the man because of the vision the woman claims to have.

If your standards are high, there must be someone to fit into that standard, baby.

  1. How sure are you that prolly, this your man did not collaborate with this woman to tell you about this vision? Sweetheart, things dey happen for this world. Some guys have actually God me God told them I’m they one. Imagine I got married to all of them, I should be the world’s most famous polyandrist by now :grin::grin:.

Don’t be too quick to let other people’s opinion about you to become your cemetery. You should have a say in whatever happens to your life.

  1. Ask him to give you space, at least you need some time to think things over and be sure you are about to make the right decisions, to avoid apportioning blames on anyone in the future.

  2. Believe in yourself and know you are worth setting standards for yourself. Don’t let anyone talk you down on that.

Peace :v:


#7

Let me explain this dear…

Regardless the fact that God created us, and his plans for us are of good and not of evil, there are still some decisions we need to make by ourselves.

There’s something called, freedom and determinism. Such that, God determined some things in your life like your country, race, gender, etcetera, but after creation, God gave you the right to choose. It’s not God that will help you choose whether or not to brush your teeth every morning… It’s not God that will help you choose whether it’s Tunde or Lolu that you love more… You know that yourself.

A lot of persons hide in the shadow of the Church just because they want to get married to you. Thus, they come with the God said approach. If God told them you are the one, and we are all God’s children, then you should have a confirmation in your spirit about that.

Pastor can’t even tell me he saw brother Matthew and I getting married and because the pastor said God revealed that to him, I will now rush to marry brother Matthew, when I know little or nothing about him. I have to know and love brother Matthew to be able to marry him.

My opinion though.


#8

Tolerance is a great thing but if you’re not attracted, just skedaddle. Figure out what it is you want & do that.


#9

I think its important that you take your time before getting married. I also dont think its wise for you to get married to someone you are not attracted too. Even if you do not love him, there should be something about him that makes you look forward to meeting him whenever you guys are to meet, something that can make love grow. Dont be pressured because he says he is ready to get married. Make sure you are too. Goodluck.


#10

I’m sorry am just replying
@pretyprexy God is Love, and God loves so much I don’t think humans will ever fully understand that!

**God gave us freedom of choice to God does help you to meet and love other people. But it’s important to remember that you make the final choice about who you accept and who you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, to just be friends, or to break up. And don’t forget: the other person has a say in the matter too! A relationship won’t develop unless both of you decide to love each other. And if either one of you continually makes selfish decisions, you may find your relationship start to crumble before your eyes.
Without the freedom to choose, you and I would be robots. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does this freedom cancel out God’s power? Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.
God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love can’t exist without choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then it wouldn’t really be love, would it? A choice is a key ingredient to love. please, are they account in the bible God said we should marry?? this person


#11

True, My personal Opinion Religion has done more harm than good.
I’m a Christian, I love God.
I think after believing in the death and rising of Christ Jesus, Information in the gospel is imperative! so you dont get it all wrong


#12

Word!!!


#13

Word!!!


#14

I love the end part… “Figure out what you want and do it…”


#15

Hmmm…see attraction is the first thing in a relationship, both parties must be attracted to each other…and feeling you don’t have now you can’t get it later…


#16

Look it been 2016 and now we are in 2018. and you are yet to feel anything for him and yet he still turns you off not on. please marriage is not an option. And about growing to love after marriage is like looking for water in a desert which you might find too difficult to find.


#17

hmmm my dear pls pls just take it slow.Well let me gist you a bit about mine. I was in my 100l when this Man aged 36 came to meet my mum saying he wants to marry me and I was 18 then. So my mum got so excited and said neye is a good one for me oh but I turned down the proposal cos I don’t love him and I wasn’t attracted to him either. My mum said why and I gave my reason but her reply was I Will grow to love him when we start getting along and besides am still young so Is good if I get married at this young age I smiled and told her such won’t happen. My dear if you are finding this Man not attractive now pls don’t go and you won’t learn to do that so easily cos I can’t tell how Is going to happen when you both finally got married.


#18

That’s if you find at all sef…


#19

Wisdom!!! You’re a wise bae… :kissing_heart::kissing_heart:


#20

This guy seems like a good guy from what is described here and i really think he deserves better. Just freaking tell him you don’t Love him. He should cut his looses now and move ahead.
For God’s sake, the guy is 38 and he doesn’t have all the time to mess around.
The guy needs something real and obviously, you are not it.

I have no idea why I am taking this personal.