GRIEF! How do i grieve?

I am quite saddened at the Loss of my Uncle James who died today (Nobody should tell me He slept in the Lord). :sob::cold_sweat::sob: The details of his death and lessons to be learnt is a story for later. I have been trying to understand why the burden of gloom sits proudly on my scattered mind. (The song below puts me in perspective)

I don’t love Uncle James in the sense of “Love” but maybe i do in the way we love that Uncle whose wallet is never empty to you, whose house is the holiday destination for a memory filled journal. So if it’s not love, it could be the realization that I will never see him again or get to wear his 3/4’s or listen to the stories of the former Nigeria while he drives…

Does this mean I miss him? Maybe I do and maybe I don’t. Sometimes, i feel those words have lost essence as we have mutilated the rights and halo surrounding missing a person as they never quantify the pain…

Uncle James is my Maternal Aunt’s Husband who is my Favorite Aunt ever. Calm, reserved, very observant with his staunch eyes and Ebira tongue, he was the ideal picture of old school dream guy. He is the Only son and child of his family and he was able to successfully put his typical African family in place for 14 years, fought the pressure to take another wife, stayed through to his words by having no affair or illegitimate kids somewhere. They were both fertile as She had countless miscarriages and no child to show for it BUT she had the most supporting husband one could ever ask for.

Sadly, she left Him some months ago as she needed space to sort herself for her diviner told her to… Today, i’m pondering what his family will say knowing he died of a broken love heart, no prodigy to continue the lineage and to have risked all for True Love. She was his true love but i doubt right now if he was her true love :confused:

Dancing in the hollows of my eyes are visions of his face and I’m wondering how do i Grieve? What is grief?? Are there steps to grieve properly and effectively? What lessons would be learnt from grieving?

If you have lost someone before, how did you go through it? Kindly share.
@Mira @fola @pretyprexy @drew


Wow! I’m so sorry for your loss Aje, There’s no instant fix. You might feel affected every day for a while especial after a major like this.

For now, you need to express yourself, talk to a friend, family member, and make sure to pour out your pain to the person. Cry as hard as you can , let yourself go through the process. Just make sure not to loose yourself in the process.
You’ll be fine.


@fola is right… It’s okay to cry, cry as much as you can but don’t lose yourself.

Don’t hold back the pain. The death of a close one can actually be unbelievable when heard but the ability to get over the loss is very important.

Direct your attention on something else, prolly something that gives you joy, not something that would sap your emotional energy. Fill your thoughts with things that would give you a positive vibe.

Eat too. Don’t starve yourself because you are mourning someone. It may not be easy but just try and eat(don’t skip meals).

Sometimes, you may need to talk to someone, please do so.

It’s no man’s wish to lose someone close but you know, shit and life happens. May his soul rest in peace.

And may God keep us all safe and healthy. Amen.


This is sooo sad… So sorry for your loss.

I once lost a cousin that was really dear to me, shock didn’t let me cry… I felt something heavy in my chest for a while and I really wanted to express the sorrow I felt but a tear didn’t drop
Maybe IF I had found the tears I would have felt better so I would advise you let it all out. Cry if you want to…You will definitely remember him often .
After a while, you will remember memories shared and smile…


You are so right… The best way to grief is to let it all out.
Another story to learn from your uncle’s demise is that you should make sure whoever you got, got you too. He died from a broken heart because he placed too much expectations on his love for her without facing reality.
It’s so sad. May his soul find rest. So sorry for your loss @Aje.


I’m so sorry for your loss @Aje #Hugs

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Sorry for the loss man @Aje. :hugs: