How to successfully slide into a lady's DM for the first time

By DM, I mean, how does a man successfully engage a woman he fancies on her social media inbox.

As a man, the first thing you must understand is that your success or failure in engaging a woman is entirely dependent on the complex combination of your target (the woman you fancy)'s mood and your approach. Your do not have a say in the former (her mood) but the latter (your approach) you do have a big say in.

A good approach (although not the only determinant of her response), makes a big difference; to establish rapport with a woman he fancies, a good man must exercise infinite patience & self control.

See the steps below: :point_down:t6:


Step 1:

Study your target’s internet history to gain an understanding of her personality. You must be familiar with her personality because that is what helps you organize your approach. Do not fall for the profile or display picture on her profile and dig into her posts to gain insight into the type person she is, you may not be able to get a full grasp of her person from her internet history but it does help you decide whether or not she is worth your data.

For example; If it’s an Instagram DM for example, look at her pictures and captions and try to formulate your approach based on that. From her posts, you may be able to tell what she does for a living, where she is based. Some women dislike rhetorical questions so you may want to avoid those questions on your approach, if it clearly states she’s a medical doctor on her profile, you could use that as your point of entry.


:joy::joy::joy::joy::joy: Woah!! :clap:t5::clap:t5::clap:t5::clap:t5::clap:t5::clap:t5:

This would be a good one… @NaijaLander The guys would love this o…


Step 1 Commentary:

Some times, a woman’s content may appear vague. In this case, a simple “Hello, how are you today?” will do. Ensure your sentences are well constructed, do not use abbreviations when DMing a lady, if you don’t know the right words to use, make use of Google. Also, just because her status says she’s online does not necessarily mean that she is online, as such, it is always advisable to lower your expectations on the reply; only 2 in every 10 DM slidings gets a satisfactory response. See the example below:

  1. Unsatisfactory Response 1
    You: Hi how are you today ?
    Her: I’m fine.
  • This response is not satisfactory because your not communicating, communication involves a message and a response, saying “I’m fine” without asking the DMer how he is too is same as not responding at all.
  1. Unsatisfactory Response 2
    You: Hi how are you?
    Her: read with no response or not read at all for the next few weeks

  2. Satisfactory Response 1
    You: Hi how are you today?
    Her: I’m fine. how are you?

  3. Satisfactory Response 2
    You: Hi how are you today?
    Her: I’m fine dear, how are you?

  • The difference in both scenarios of our satisfactory response is the word “dear”, this suggests that she fancies you too. Note that this doesn’t mean she will go out with you or she’ll be your girlfriend, it just means you are well within her comfort zone and you have a green light to proceed. Satisfactory response 2 is every man’s dream response when sliding into the DM for the first time.

Step 2:

Be confident in yourself.

Beautiful, confident women with over 1000 followers on social media that pull at least 100 likes on any post no matter how dumb, are intimidating to most men. Confidence in your ability to woo a woman is key. An unsuccessful DM does not mean you don’t measure up to a woman’s specs. As stated in the opening post, a successful slide is determined by the complex combination of your target (the woman)'s mood and your approach . So when I said barely 3 out of every 10 DM slidings gets a satisfactory response, that means the 7 fails suggests she was not in the mood. When you get an unsatisfactory response, depending on how badly you fancy your target, always leave a few days in between your first message to send another one.

Bombarding her inbox with your messages suggests desperation (I’m talking to you @Udousen_Ukpeme :roll_eyes:) women despise desperate men, women prefer it when they like a guy more than he likes them. That’s why most of 'em end up with a$$holes.


World people will say,it is better for a man to love you more than you love the person. I think we should do what work for us. If I am not attracted to you, it take me time to like you. That is what work for me. It is on a very few occasion that I like back someone that like me. If I like you, that is the end of the story except you don’t like me and then I move on.


Step 2 Commentary

Cut your coat according to your size. If you want a beautiful and intelligent woman, you must be a “beautiful” and intelligent man yourself. More often than not, the person you toast is a reflection of your self esteem (or lack thereof). Work on your manhood; even the bible teaches men to “…study to show thyself worthy” This may include but is certainly not limited to;

  • Educating yourself, read books to improve your diction and gather knowledge and understanding of the subjects you find interesting
  • Getting a well paying job, a man without an income has no business sliding into DMs, it hurts and that’s cos its the truth
  • Being open minded; be sensible enough to realize you cannot eat your cake and have it. You could be very intelligent and loaded in the pocket and still not pull the woman you deserve, it’s not because your lacking in something, it just goes to show you can’t have every thing.
  • Objectifying women less (this I cannot stress enough). Learn to see women as fellow human beings and converse with them the same way you’d converse with your boys, but with a feminine touch.

For example: in the example below

You have the green light, the next thing you wanna do is get to know her as a person first, if you go straight to the point and start telling her you “love” her, your doing both her and yourself harm. A better approach would be to ask her (depending on what time or day it is, let’s assume its a weekend)

  1. Unsatisfactory Response
    You: I’m very good. What are you up to today ? Do forgive me if I pry
    Her: Nothing much
  • We men dread those words “Nothing much”, you cannot get a more vague response than that :joy:, that could mean 2 things or more (women are complicated); 1. she went through your profile and turns out you don’t cut it 2. she’s just not in the mood. In this scenario, you can take the risk and ask a few more questions.

6. Unsatisfactory Response
You: I’m very good. What are you up to today ? Do forgive me if I pry
Her: Nothing much oo.

  • Again, the “oo” suggests she diggs you but not that much, you still have a semi green light, depending on the time of the day, keep at it.

7. Satisfactory Response
You: I’m very good. What are you up to today ? Do forgive me if I pry
Her: Nothing much oo. what about you?

  • What we have here is a perfect green light to continue conversing. Again, it is not an invitation to toast her. Start with a platonic conversation. Ask her what she does for a living. The “Do forgive me if I pry” is your way of telling her; “aunty nor vex, I don’t mean to disturb you.”

Case in point guys. Take note.
Thank you @ruthameh125 for sharing this wonderful piece of advise :smiley:

Ride on pastor @NaijaLander


Please PREACH IT!!! I personally go and assess a guy’s page before I reply even if it is just “Hi” (Yeah yeah :roll_eyes::roll_eyes: I can be very petty… I know it)

ahhhh! I didnt know this ooo…


Step 3:

Keep it platonic always even when the urge to divert into sexual or romantic topics exists. Telling a girl on the first DM you like her is the surest way of ruining your chances, I’ll explain why below :point_down:t6:

  • The best way to have sex with a woman is to pretend that you are not interested in having sex with her. You and a lady strike up a conversation, she sees your literary prowess, she appreciates your intellect, she diggs your good looks and kack-up, she definitely wants something to do with you but being a woman (especially Nigerian women :smirk:), she’s never going to tell you, she’ll simply throw you several hints, she’ll call you “hun”, “deary”, etc, these hints show she 's liking your style but still they do not mean she definitely wants you, it’s just another level to the green light (more on this later).

  • Women are objectified left and right and are constantly searching for a man who will treat them like Queens (even if they don’t deserve it :smiling_imp:, don’t get me wrong, they all do). A girl window shopping in Yaba will get harassed by agberos at least once. So if she opens your DM to see stuff like “hey sweety your looking cute today”, she’s already marked you out. But say she opens your DM and sees something like “Hi , how are you today ?” or “hi, hope you had a productive day today, hope no stress” chances are she’ll respond, her response at that moment however depends on her mood, remember a successful sliding is determined by the complex mix of her mood and your approach.


Ladies this is very important. I don’t know about other state but they do it allot here in abuja. No love should make you stay with a lazy man. encourage him to do something. Even if the father have all the money in the world, let him do something. Stop putting up with their lies and stop defending a lazy man. If possible, help him get a job if you have more opportunity than him but don’t defend a lieing lazy man all in the name of love and wanting to have a relationship or be married.


now you do but some of us don’t get intimidated easily though, 100 likes on your post is also a turn on for us :smiley: I imagine someone like @theunofficialomotayo won’t care how many followers you have.


ahh! Better. Cos the babe might just know a lot of people and besides It’s just “Instagram” …It is not that deep.


Please start a thread for ladies too.
@NaijaLander @pretyprexy let us know how to slide successfully too na


To be honest, it’s hard to know what women want. I can only advise on a man’s approach.
There is no perfect formula for getting a satisfactory response from a woman. At least none I’m aware of.


I mean how to slide into a guy’s DM na…the words to use and all this your intelligent advice.

I know you are capable. Thanks :wink:


:sweat_smile::sweat_smile: can only speak for myself but I think guys will accept anything, just say hi and let him do the rest. I don’t reply every DM I get from a woman but I reply most.


woah… This is like one of the best article i must have read in a long while… Its a very brilliant work @NaijaLander

Very very brilliant and moreover, its so true. I can relate with everything here.

Please PREACH IT… I would share on my page too so they know abeg…

I can’t deal with annoying guys trying to act like friends… God knows… They should learn.


LOL! You can like some of his posts and all those posts he feels makes a lot of sense “motivational posts” comment “Very Insightful” etc…, like his posts often…he will slide himself cos obviously he would have checked your page out.