My Boyfriend Wants Us To Just Be Friends, But I Want Him Back


#1

My boyfriend broke up with me last month after being together for over a year. The last few months were rough because his grandmother passed away after being in the hospital for a few months. I tried to be there for him but he totally withdrew and would reject my advances and we started fighting a lot because of it.


He told me he loves me, but felt like I was smothering him and he needed to find himself. I told him I would give him space while he figured things out but he said he couldn’t ask me to do that. I asked if there was a chance for us once he got things sorted and he said he isn’t sure if he sees a future. He said he worships the ground I walk on and should never change because I was perfect in the relationship and will go far in life whereas he feels like he has nothing to offer since he is grieving and stuck in a job he doesn’t like.

He suggested we stay friends but I told him that would be too hard on me and he said I can contact him anytime. I know I came across needy over the last couple of months and am wondering if there’s anything I can do to get him back. Should I text him? Try to stay friends? Is there any hope of getting him back?


#2

Take a step back. Find yourself , Let him find himself. Nothing beats a guy who can hold his own, you will be glad he found himself if it eventually works out between you two.
Hanging around a confused guy might confuse you also, which is not healthy. Let Time Tell.


#3

To call a spade a spade, he has seen some things he doesnt fancy on you, he just won’t say so he doesn’t hurt u. His mama passing away should brk d bond btwn u 2.its even now he should hold on to u more. Just let him be, he loves some1 else.the way he felt for u bk then isn’t wat he still feels now.


#4

There r certain things u must be sure about before accepting his engagement, n seeing a future with someone.Study them, u may find out u r In love for the wrong reasons.or loving d wrong person


#5

That’s true sha… For him not to be holding on to you at this time, then there’s an issue. He is probably just looking for the perfect excuse to end the relationship…


#6

Sweetheart, people handle grief differently…personally when I’m feeling blue I withdraw from people I care about. It’s how I process some negative emotions… bae used to feel hurt when I shut her out (she still does) but with time she has started to accept it as how I deal with issues sometimes ; I try to reassure her that I will get help but that I’m not in a place where I can talk about it presently. She seems to appreciate that she cannot be the one who comes through for me every time I’m in distress, my life does not revolve exclusively around her. It does not mean that I have found something I don’t like about her or that I love her less it just means that life is in cycles and sometimes we go through stuff that forces us to retreat, think and sometimes in those dark moments all we want is to be alone.


#7

100% true. You should give him some time and space to process whatsoever he going through at the moment. He will come around and if he doesn’t then you can try to talk with him about you guys relationship


#8

Talk wat ? The handwriting is clearly written on the wall


#9

I disagree o
We are different wen it comes to d way we handle things. For someone like me I wud like to be alone when I grieve. Not even my sisters can console me. Depends on what I am grieving about anyways (I forbid any form of grieve sha)

Maybe he just wants to be alone, who knows his relationship with his grandma, or mayb its just an excuse. We can’t really tell, only he can

@TalesofLove What I think matters is the space he asks for not the reason behind the space. Just give him the space, then if he doesn’t recover u know wat to do. This also depends on how much u re willing to wait. Just continue being u since he said u re perfect like DAT

If he doesn’t come around after the space, love and care u show him, I bet u won’t feel any regret when you finally give up. Also there are better chances of him coming around when u stay friends than wen u leave but if u think u cant handle it, I guess u shud accept the fact that ur heart has been broken and move on. It doesn’t make u any lesser Dan u are, its just DAT part of life some people go tru. It shud actually make u stronger.

I believe love shud be 200% i.e 100% from both sides else one becomes a slave to relationship. That is y some people offer more than they get. Dats life sha


#10

Hmmmm…

Okay… I agree with this but how long should they stay waiting?


#11

My brother not all of us are as bold as you are. That is why we all unique in our ways. You don’t expect anybody to handle things d way u wud
I bet u re not a mind reader, although you might be right but it is wrong for u to be affirmative


#12

Now that is for her to decide, we all have different limits to our elasticity. Giving him the space means making her own sacrifice. I just think she ll feel much better for playing her own part even if it doesn’t work out fine and I bet others agree with me


#13

Love this


#14

But remember he was trying to push her away from the relationship because even when she asked if they will get back after his grief, he said he wasn’t sure…

Is it okay to feel he probably isn’t thinking right at that time and be patient?


#15

So even if he tells her he’s not up for a relationship at that time, she should still wait?


#16

Time heals almost everything. It’s best she waits it out, though hard but most hard things teach us the most lessons. He doesn’t understand what he’s feeling, he’ll be sending mixed signals if he still decides to forge on with the relationship. But what time doesn’t solve, you solve yourself. Last last they’ll end up being good friends, or go their separate ways. It really isn’t the end of the world.
You can’t be with someone that hasn’t found him or herself yet, you’ll both be toxic for each other. So I believe it’s best to let him heal, if he has to date someone else in the process, no problem, she should also look for things to make her happy, date someone too if she wants.
If they really would end up together eventually, their hearts would beat towards each other again. Just like @Nire said it’s 200% love. 100% from each of their sides.


#17

This is one way to look at it but I’m more inclined to think that he was feeling smothered and probably didn’t mean it. There are times that I have acted like I want to be alone but I only wanted some space temporarily to clear my head, when I was younger I’d shutdown family friends, enemies (it’s almost like when you’re in fight or flight mode and would do anything to guarantee your safety). For introverts space on blue days is like a place in their head where they can be calm and be at home with their thoughts cos we process our emotions internally before ever speaking about them(if we ever do sef) unlike extroverts.


#18

I am both. I internalize first and shutdown then when I’m done I voice it out.


#19

People see this as weird, sometimes see me as weird
I think we really shud study about temperament better, it really helps in a relationship wen u know your partner


#20

Wen I voice out sef it find it difficult to do so smoothly

Most time I just keep to myself cus I assume no one will Eva understand ow I really feel