My Boyfriend Wants Us To Just Be Friends, But I Want Him Back


#21

I can totally relate.


#22

I can attest to this


#27

How often do you withdraw? How long does it last? Do you tell her how long she should give you space? Do you still communicate with her during that period?

I’m sorry my questions are personal but I’m trying to understand the concept of withdrawing from a loved one to grieve


#28

No …People handle things differently, although I may subscribe to the fact that he fancies someone else but that is not usually the case.

Let the man handle his pain in peace. Some guys feel choked up once in a while. “Space” helps sometimes.


#29

I can’t imagine it either. Just hearing this for d first time," wirhdrawing from a loved one to get oneself bk " wat an excuse.


#30

No need to apologize, and yeah they are really personal and I don’t feel comfortable giving details here.
There are some articles on the topic online and it’s not an excuse as @Udousen_Ukpeme said earlier ;it’s real. It is frustrating for ladies, it can be a deal breaker and can also be a learning curve to understand the emotional make-up of your man.


#31

It’s alright


#33

That is it… Its not easy for some ladies to even keep their sanity together most especially when the people they love are facing serious issues and in pain, but yet won’t need their help…

Its frustrating… Especially when he is not saying if he will be back or not… Sometimes people shouldn’t just do things because of themselves alone. Consider others too.


#34

I agree. I’m an introvert and I love having some time alone but I’m also trying to come out of my comfort zone. It’s not always about me. It’s hard but we have to make sacrifices for those we love. It’s okay to withdraw once in a while but it should be for a limited time and there should be effective communication not leaving the person hanging or confused.

I’ve also withdrawn from people whom I love. Once when I was recovering from a recent heartbreak and struggling with suicidal depression, I became withdrawn and reserved. My mum had to go and tell my pastor and his wife to talk to me. I later understood that she must have felt really bad that I shut her out. I could sense her frustration.

I can imagine how frustrating it is for someone you love to shut you out. In times of grief and sorrow, I believe that’s a good time to draw closer and comfort one another. Even if you can’t explain what you are going through, just let them feel your presence. Take a stroll in silence, watch a movie together in silence or just sit and hold hands for a while.

Finally, we don’t express our grief in the same way so if you feel withdrawing totally and shutting out those you love is best for you, well, I can’t change that.


#35

This is it!!


#36

That’s my point exactly… As in you just summarized everything here. I’m very sure your patner is willing to just sit silently by your side if you wish. Not everyone can understand total silence…

Don’t lose one more person because you’re crying over something that’s already gone.


#37

You just sounded like me. Glad I’m not alone :slight_smile:


#38

Haba!!! O ye people… So you all are not even seeing the side of the story by the lady…


#39

Oh well . One thing that is certain is what will be will be. I understand how she feels but she can’t force him . We should never force love . she’ll be fine sha. He might genuinely need space or no longer interested. She should sha be good and not tie her happiness to him . He may come around or she’ll find someone else.

I have been in a similar situation , wanting space as always but bobo who I just met didn’t know that part of me and started pressing p as in pressing p which just ruined chances of any ship. Understanding is key!!! But most importantly we would all be fine sha not necessarily collectively.


#40

That’s the beauty of community, we’re never really alone…I’m pleased you feel connected here.


#41

Its so hard staying friends with someone you love, its difficult but somehow you will see yourself adjusting to it. No matter how you talk to him, you can’t force him cause his mind has already been made. If space is what he needs, give him, if friendship is what he needs right now, give him, you might just realise that staying as friends with him draws both of you closer. Accept the fact that what will be, will definitely be no matter what. If you want to wait, wait if you feel it will pay off later in future but be sure after months or a year of waiting as friends.

Maybe, he is being choked up with having to deal with the death stuff and having to give you attention at same time but if he said that, because he has found someone else, please by all means forgive him and let go, letting go is difficult but try and do it, heal up quick, take your time to develop yourself, have fun and find someone who really deserves you.


#42

Thank u my dear. U’ve said it all. Letting go of someone you love is the hardest but most courageous thing to do.


#43

Yeah, at first you might not know you’re being brave, until later…


#44

Someone once told me the hardest things teach us the most lessons. We wouldn’t know now but when we look at our lives in retrospect we would realise it.


#45

I believe you should divert your love elsewhere. To a hobby like painting, or something. You obviously have so much love to give but truth is, it is even deadlier to you if you direct it where it is not wanted. Distract urself anyhow that gives you peace. In the end no one can advise you better than you.