On Sexual Compatibility


#42

nwannem…you are very right ooo…


#43

this was exactly my situation…seemed good, acted so holy and good but once the time set… na another person i see…


#44

kpomkwem…:clap::clap:


#45

But as a christian and i am sure there are other christians here, biko someone can post where God said no sex before marriage in the bible because i cannor find it oo… biko…

seriously i just cant find it yet…just to speed up my reading…

some people are sexual and some people are not…find out the one you are before you marry, it helped me a lot.

I was a virgin when i got married not because there was nobody to nack and not because I was saving myself for marriage… but because i grew up with a lot of boys and having sex was going to put me on a different track in life. i decided to wait for that mind blowing experience with the right person…while i was discovering myself. i already knew where i was going in life when i was like 10 /11 years old so i stuck to that… my parents wey no even send me cos i was a tomboy and i was very self-sufficient and independent as a child…and they were full time working parents…

My point is, i knew who i was before i got married, it helped me with who my husband was and what he really wanted even though i didnt have any clue how to be that person…but it helped me know my boundaries and limits.

but before the marriage, we made out i saw his reaction to the sexual encounter and it was okay with me because i am not a sexual person, i am an A-sexual person… i am sure some people will google it and ask why did i get married? ( sex is not everything in marrage like @azzy said)

bottom line…know yourself.
biko the bible verse oo… please whoever wants to help me find it…


#46

Fact!! :ok_hand: :ok_hand: :ok_hand: :ok_hand: :ok_hand: :ok_hand:


#47

:kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart:…this goes to @evansakanno … Correct word! Dassall…


#48

Ermmmmm… I’m loving this gist sha…

It’s awesome getting to read the views of everyone towards this topic…

Point is…
Just be wise!
Choose your path… Do what is right…
Communicate…
Study your patner…
Just do what is right to you and God…

Everyone has got their opinion and choices but do what is right…

Trust your instincts…


#49

@evansakanno invited me to this conversation, by virtue of what I do (i work in sexual and reproductive health).

So here is my professional opinion - forget about what you see on TV or read in books, for a lot of people, whether you had sex before marriage or you waited till marriage, there is a lot of unlearning and relearning that needs to be done. Mister A does not make love in the same way as Mister B. Same as, Ms C does not like the same things as Ms D. So whoever you’re with, there is always a degree that there will be things you don’t like about the way they make love, and some things you like. Where the problem usually exists, isn’t that you dislike more things than you like, but that (1) you’re not honest about what your preferences are and (2) when your partner communicates their preference, you are dismissive of it. The worst person you can make love to is someone unwilling to learn. The very worst!!! It doesn’t matter if they have had sex 10000 times before you, or it is their first experience.

Honest about your preference, to be candid, I think this is probably the hardest one of most people. The culture does not make it possible to be open about sexual matters. If you do, you risk being looked at in a funny way. This affects women mostly. But also affects the man, because a man can sleep with 100 women and still not know anything about lovemaking because all the girls he’d been sleeping with were busy pretending to like what he’s doing, meanwhile behind his back, they will all agree that “he no sabi”. If a woman doesn’t tell a man how to please her, how will he know what to do? And if he is doing it to the right degree that she wants. Of course, we know some men’s ego won’t let them see road. They don’t believe that women can truly orgasm. So they are so rigid, more concerned with thing they won’t do rather than being open to exploring many things for the pleasure of his woman.

Last year, someone shared honestly her story moving from being sexually incompatible with her man, to enjoying a fulling sex life (see link if you’re interested in reading: https://slidesafe.ng/sexual-compatibility-was-not-automatic/). There is something she said, that sexual compatibility was not automatic. True, for many couples, they’d have to work out their compatibility with “fear and trembling”. There will be tears and heartaches, but if they stick to it, there will be joy.


#50

have you considered counseling. When asexual people are married to a partner who very sexual, it can be difficult, because sex may not be happening in the manner that is fulfilling for both parties. As much as sex is not everything is, sex is a lot of things! And the importance in an intimate relationship should not be diminished. Counseling makes it easier to manage, especially if the other partner feels they are not getting as much sex as they would have liked.


#51

Permission to print!! :raised_hands:


#52

sure


#53

:ok_hand: :ok_hand: :ok_hand: :ok_hand: :ok_hand: :ok_hand: :ok_hand: [quote=“SlideSafe, post:49, topic:3005”]
The culture does not make it possible to be open about sexual matters. If you do, you risk being looked at in a funny way. This affects women mostly
[/quote]

Truly…like you’re too lose to talk about it…

God bless you for this… Can’t say more…


#54

Okay…


#55

Sister Farida :grin::grin:


#56

this topic is really interesting and seeing different comments here I would say sex before marriage isn’t the key point here cos many youths have driven themselves into making out without relatively getting what they wanted.
I would prefer having someone whom we’re passionately into with get to Talk that talk with them not hiding a thing, discuss on your sex life and see if there are certain things that need to be corrected. practically there are more we need to learn on sexual compatibility


#57

I believe the relationship with God (Which often births our value systems), sex and finance is the the most critical factors when considering dating.

As a counselor, I have lost count of how many homes have broken and indeed relationships that ended bitterly because of these things.

But the issue of sex prevails often times over all. While as a Christian counselor I believe strongly in no sex before marriage, I encourage that couples talk extensively about their sex preferences and challenges during their dating and courting years.

As a victim of abuse and rape, I know surely what that can do to someone’s perspective of sex if not adequately tackled before entering into a relationship and marriage. So it’s very important to talk about EVERYTHING. You can never talk too much in such cases. Ask questions, if while tiptoeing and kissing Oga you noticed consistently that there was never a bulge (Common we often feel it, we just act ignorant :stuck_out_tongue:), ask why o. Ask ask ask until you get an answer.

While I don’t believe in sex before marriage, be familiar with each other. What turns you on, what are your sexual fantasies and dreams? I was married to a man who enjoys brutality during sex, I would be sleeping and he’d pounce on me and I’d end up with bruises and eventually at the hospital every two weeks. For someone who had been a victim of abuse and rape as a victim, that just messed so much up. It took counseling and a lot of it too after I walked out of the marriage to finally heal back into the person I am now.

I’ve counselled women whose husbands can’t last beyond two minutes and she desires him longer. And I was shocked that they never talked about it before marriage. I know it’s almost like a taboo here in Africa to talk about sex. Sex is beautiful and NEVER a thing of shame, it is what some people do with it that shamify it.

So ask, talk, feel body parts self joor (even if na mistakenly :running_man::running_man::running_man:). Forever is too long to live a miserable sexual life mbok.


#58

:joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy:


#59

@chinenye Chi baby, come and take a hug… :blush::blush::blush::blush::blush:

Nice to have you here tho…


#60

Yea…seriously… Alot… [quote=“Ennmae, post:57, topic:3005”]
Ask questions, if while tiptoeing and kissing Oga you noticed consistently that there was never a bulge (Common we often feel it, we just act ignorant :stuck_out_tongue:), ask why o. Ask ask ask until you get an answer.
[/quote]

Future hubby (where ever you are) please get your jotter and whistle… Sorry I mean pen. Take this down… I can’t shout Abeg.

Hmmmmm…:open_mouth::open_mouth::open_mouth::open_mouth::open_mouth:
This is deep… Thanks for sharing… God help us…


#61

Quite an interesting piece Evans.

Firstly it’s surprising how we Christians arrived at the “bible forbids premarital sex” belief because in reality, I am yet to come across such in the bible (I stand to be corrected). However, one very clearly stated fact in the bible is that God opposes adultery (which involves people who are already married) as seen in the 10 commandments. Instances in the bible that talked about premarital sex in the old testament inferred that the ‘cultural’ rules of that time tried as much as possible to ensure that any man who slept with an unmarried woman paid her ‘bride price’ (50 shekels of silver which also meant a ‘short gun marriage’ in Hebrew parlance). It is to note that unmarried women who chose to sleep with men had a death penalty hanging over their head (which was a very bias rule looking at what was obtainable for men).

Now to talk about discussing sex issues with one’s partner before marriage; how do you even talk about your body’s response to certain sexual matters when your body has never been in such circumstance? If we are to consider the ‘no sex before marriage’ stand, I think people who are unmarried only have their sexual desires to share thus allowing partners make critical decisions based on assumptions (untested predictions/observations). Maybe sexual purity before marriage will gain better stand when;
(1) science can certify a lot of our sexual ‘gallantness’ indices without indulging so that people with high libido don’t end up with the wrong person after saving up konji for so long
(2) theology scholars can explain why human beings (from as early as age 4-6) can naturally find their way around sex. Did God make a mistake by enabling their ‘konji meters’? (I don’t think so)

With all said, I strongly believe that moderacy in all things should be highly upheld. I also believe that people who choose celibacy or sexual purity should be left to tow the path they have chosen (without necessarily celebrating or mocking them).