ZegistChat: The Realities of Marriage with Laju Iren


Okay… Great! We are open to learn always!!!


Is that how you people use to do? :joy:


Is dating the same as being married?
No. It isn’t. You have more freedom in a dating relationship than in a marriage relationship. By this, I mean freedom of choice. Courtship is not an institution. If you realise that a dating relationship isn’t on course, you have the right to end it.
That’s why I always tell single people that Courtship is the time to love intelligently, marriage is the time to love blindly. If you love intelligently in courtship, then you can love blindly in marriage. I have a full post of that on my blog, lajuiren.com. The link is here. http://www.lajuiren.com/2017/06/22/loving-intelligently/. I think you should read it as soon as we’re done.
However, one thing is sure, marriage doesn’t change people, it magnifies who they really are. So, you must know what you’re getting into. If he is beating you now, he will most likely get worse in marriage. If she is money conscious now, she will most likely get worse in marriage.
This also applies to you. You don’t wait until you’re married to start exhibiting the characteristics needed for a fruitful home. The same fruit of the spirit such as love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness etc that a Christian should exhibit are the same ingredients necessary for a successful home. Meanwhile, the same fruit of the flesh, adultery, fornication etc are the same things that hurt marriages. So, you must start walking in the spirit from now. You must walk in love and submission towards others now that you’re single.
Also, sex is something reserved for marriage. No one who hasn’t exchanged marriage vows with you has the right to demand sex. That’s one way that marriage is really different.




We love having you here, I did not sleep cos of this live chat. Thanks.
What has marriage been like for you…has it been like what we watch in movies or read in novels.


Do you really have to put in more work in marriage?
Yes you do.
You can’t just up and leave when things aren’t going your way.
I only advice couples to spend time apart when there are cases of physical abuse.
The feelings won’t always be there. I don’t mean that they will fade away. You can keep the fire alive of course. By God’s grace I’ve been married three years, and we’ve still got the fire. Bells, whistles and all. I know people who have been married for longer with the same report. But there are days when the only feelings you’ll experience will be anger. If you’re marrying someone, of course you’ll see them at their best. But you’ll also see them at their angriest, worst, dirtiest, hungriest and most tired. It’s commitment that will keep you in those times.


I agree… I like the make up behaviour after the fight ends.



My questions:

  • What is your take on who the Head of the Home should be?
  • If a woman earns more than her husband, should she be the head of the house ?
  • Do you agree with divorce? The bible is against divorce no matter what, what is your take on this?
  • Much of the bible is in favor of female subjugation like when Paul said “Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.”
  • Are men pre-ordained by GOD to lead or should anyone who shows the necessary qualities lead a home ?
  • What is your general opinion on Gender Equality.

Many thanks @lajuiren


This!!! Issa Tweet!!!


Thanks dear. Me too. It means a lot. That’s a good question. I always tell people that our idea of love can’t come from Nollywood or Hollywood but the wood of the cross, bloodstained for us



Any opening for Volunteers for the ‘Have You eaten’ project?


I remember watching movies before I got married and seeing couples sleeping in each other’s arms. After marriage, it was a rude shock to discover that my husband did not like being touched in his sleep. lol!!! But I quickly realised that ours is reality and theirs is a movie. Many people aren’t content with a partner who loves them unconditionally because he or she doesn’t behave like tv or social media people


I have screenshoted it my friend… Issa social media tinz today


Good question oo


Very well understood @lajuiren

Kindly consider these scenarios:

  • Is talking about sexual activity important during courtship?
  • If a man finds his fiance’s sexual appetite is remarkably lower than his, what do you suggest ?
  • If a married couple do not have the same level of sexual appetite, what do you suggest? For example, 1 party is into oral sex and the other party isn’t.



oh yes. We can talk right after this


But @lajuiren somehow, i’ve heard that **marriage humbles some people and makes them more responsible knowing they have a family.

There have been cases of marriages making a guy who sleeps outside change to become one who is so into his family and start staying totally away from fornication…

How often does this happen? Is it reliable?


Hello Mrs Laju Iren it is indeed great to have you take your time to help demystify the Marriage industry. Based on the above quote would you say that it is possible to discover character that you cannot love blindly to after loving intelligently in courtship because I believe that people change and develop new character over time so in such situation what is the course of action. Thank you.


this!!! No time for iranu…you just have to stay focused :older_man:


God has already ordained who the head of a home should be. It’s the man. It isn’t a public company where the person with most shares wins. Not being the leader of the home doesn’t make me any less a person like not being President makes me any less a Nigerian. I have an old document on this. Will copy and paste shortly