ZegistChat: The Realities of Marriage with Laju Iren



Do you believe marriage is for everybody? Is getting married a divine mandate given to humanity by GOD?


I’m the breadwinner.
There are different reasons why a woman could be the breadwinner in her family. In some cases, it is by choice. The woman earns better, and so they decide the man should stay home with the kids. That is rarely the case in this part of the world though. Usually, the woman is the breadwinner when the man loses his job or business or can’t work for one reason or the other. Such situations must be handled with wisdom.

In singleness
Pick a guy who is first of all rich in character, money will come.
There is nothing about the size of a man’s pocket that tells you about his ability to be a good husband.

Extreme situations
Except your husband is unwise with money i.e gambles, is an addict or grossly overspends, make him as involved as possible when it comes to spending.

It is not money that determines headship
It is not a public company where the person with the most shares has the most authority. The man is the head. You’re a family now. It is not a competition to see who has more money. You are both ‘one.’ If one person has money, then everyone does too. A confident woman isn’t afraid to submit

Be intentional
Especially if you’re married to a hardworking man who just happens to be in a tight corner, there is absolutely nothing wrong with insisting that he gets a little allowance for himself from your pay.

Watch your tongue/Protect your man
Avoid degrading statements that would make him feel bad about his condition. Even when you’re angry, don’t mention things like that. Don’t push your man when he is down. Learn to communicate in a way that is respectful and teach your children to do the same. Even when you are bringing up ideas about businesses or jobs for him to consider, present them in such a way that he knows the decision is up to him. You don’t have to let everyone know that you are the one bringing in the money. If you go out on dates, you can give him the money beforehand so he can pay. Don’t bring him down in the presence of your friends or relatives. Don’t forget to keep your ears to the ground for opportunities he might consider. If your husband is the lazy type or one who loves to squander the little that is available, you may have to be more strict. Get one or two people he respects to talk to him. Ensure your children’s fees are paid, there is a roof over your head, food at home and that all your basic needs are met. Then put a little something saved away for the future. This is not the time to be stingy. Note, I am not asking you to give away your entire salary and get ten times the amount in two weeks. But be generous to be best of your ability.


What’s your take on abuse in marriage, do you feel for a man to beat up a woman, she must have gone too far. You know sometimes we women like to talk plenty o but does it need to result in physical abuse.

Please, why is it difficult for men to tell their true feelings, difficult for them to say I am sorry in marriage @lajuiren


What about a scenario where the man does not display the qualities of a good leader. For example he’s a bad role model for the children, lazy and doesn’t contribute much to the household income. Should he still remain leader or is the woman the defacto leader since she shows the quality of a leader by taking up his duties.


Anger right??? Thank God this is normal!


Hmmmmmm… Deep gan!


Anyhow anger is not normal oo


My take on divorce, which I believe is shaped by the Bible’s take is summarized in this piece I wrote on lajuiren.com. ‘Jesus loves divorcees’ http://www.lajuiren.com/2017/01/11/jesus-loves-divorcees/. You should also check out the story of the Samaritan woman in my book, Selfies With Bible Girls


Thank you.
Now what is your interpretation of the word “submission” in this context from Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

What counts as being submissive and what doesn’t ?


When a marriage is not having the vibe it use to have before, no more communication, fun etc does it mean something is fishing out somewhere?


With this questions???
I’m rushing to get my jotter… :running_man:t5::running_man:t5::running_man:t5::running_man:t5::running_man:t5::running_man:t5::running_man:t5:


Thank you.


Better still screenshot them, me that’s talking sef, I am jotting some stuffs down


I agree however I must ask; marriage is not a public company. Your text suggests it’s partnership of sort, is there really a need for Head in marriage since each member of the family has a role to play ?


This is very valid.


Ma’am What is your take on rape in marriage? A lot of people don’t seem to acknowledge it because there’s a general mindset that its “your right”. I would like to know your opinion and thoughts!


“Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.”

The statement above is clearly explained in my book, Selfies With Bible Girls, in the chapter, ‘Love on the Mission Field’ but I’ll share a little bit of it here.
Aquila also inspires me as a woman in ministry. She and her husband taught Apollos. Aquila was a teacher of the gospel. There are Common objections to the place of a woman in teaching ministry. Many cite Apostle Paul’s instruction in 1 Tim 3:2 that anyone who desires to be a bishop should be the husband of one wife; but anyone who reads this objectively will discover that the emphasis here is monogamy in marriage and not the gender of the person in office.

In Romans 16:1, Paul says:
“I commend unto you Phebe our sister, which is a servant of the church which is at Cenchrea:”
The word ‘servant’ here is translated from the word ‘diakonos’ in the Greek which can also be translated to mean deacon.

In Romans 16:3, the Apostle Paul said: “Greet Priscilla and Aquila my helpers in Christ Jesus.’’ The word helper here is got from the Greek word ‘Sunergos.’

Paul uses the same word for Epaphroditus. In Php 2:25: “Yet I supposed it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus, my brother, and companion in labour, and fellowsoldier, but your messenger, and he that ministered to my wants.” The word ‘companion’ here is the same as Sunergos used for Priscilla.

Paul also used the same word for Titus in 2Co 8:23, “Whether any do enquire of Titus, he is my partner and fellowhelper concerning you: or our brethren be enquired of, they are the messengers of the churches, and the glory of Christ.

Sunregos was also used for Timothy in 1Th 3:2 : “And sent Timotheus, our brother, and minister of God, and our fellow labourer in the gospel of Christ, to establish you, and to comfort you concerning your faith:”

He also used the word in Php 4:3 for other women: “And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers, whose names are in the book of life.”

In 1 Cor 3:9, Paul uses the word for himself:
“For we are labourers together with God: ye are God’s husbandry, ye are God’s building.”

In Rom 16:7, the bible speaks of Junia, a woman and called her ‘of note among the Apostles.
“Salute Andronicus and Junia, my kinsmen, and my fellowprisoners, who are of note among the apostles, who also were in Christ before me.”

Another bone of contention is the Apostle Paul’s instruction that a woman should be silent

1Ti 2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
1Ti 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

Don’t forget that the same Apostle Paul who mentioned Priscilla, Junia and Pheobe is the one who wrote the verses above. He wasn’t contradicting himself.
One thing to note that the instruction for women to be silent did not include: ‘in church.’

In fact, Paul himself had given instructions guiding a woman who prophesies. He instructed that women should cover their hair when prophesying which was in line with the customs at that time. Someone once said that prophesying is different from preaching. However, that is not the case. The job of the prophet in the New Testament is to edify the church. Prophecy is anything that edifies in a known language which is consistent with the word of God.

One major point to note here is that both in the Greek and Hebrew languages in which the bible was originally written, the same word is used both for woman and wife. Paul’s admonition is that wives do not usurp authority over their husbands. The main idea is that you don’t sacrifice your primarily responsibilities as a wife and mother in the name of ministry.

1 Co 14:34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.
1Co 14:35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

There is a historical context to take into consideration here. Notice the statement:”as also saith the law.” This has nothing to do with the Law of Moses. Even if it did, that is void for the person in Christ. But it didn’t. So it must have had something to do with the laws of the land. Some historians say that in Corinth, married women were not allowed to speak in public. Others say that women sat at the back at church and couldn’t always here properly, as a result, they made the place rowdy by interrupting and asking questions. Although we cannot be one hundred percent sure about these, we can be sure about what he was not saying.

He was not saying that women should not preach in church.

In the same letter, he had said given instructions on a women’s dressing when prophesying.

The same Apostle Paul had in other letters commended other women in ministry.

The old and new testaments are filled with examples of women in ministry.
Deborah was a prophetess, so was Miriam.
In the New Testament, we have Anna, Phillips’ four daughters, Junia, Phoebe and of Course Priscilla.

Gal_3:28 :
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.”

That said, we need to talk about the practical aspects of being a woman in ministry, especially if you have a family to consider.
1 Cor 7:34 says:
There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
Verse 33 says something similar about men, but I think it resonates even better with women. You can fast for three days when you’re pregnant or nursing a baby. You can’t afford to go for a retreat for one week without clearing with your husband first.

To read the rest, purchase my book, Selfies With Bible Girls


Preach!! A million of us still believe we can have our movies in reality but mehn, reality just hits us in the face…


What about if you love foolishly in courtship?


Yes @lajuiren what is your take on spousal rape ?

Also my question on sex remains. If a man finds out his wife doesn’t have the same level of sexual appetite as he does, what do you suggest he does ? This question is important because most women are more conservative about sex often starving their husbands, is such cases, what should a man do ?